ABSOLUTELY MUST WATCH !!!

Be Yourself ...

Be yourself... everyone else is already taken !

- Maya Angelou

mankind...

I love mankind; it's people I can't stand.

- Charles M. Schulz

in the name of the patriotism...

Heroism on command,senseless violence,and all the loathsome nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism-how passionately I hate them!

- Albert Einstein

always right...

I'm willing to admit that I may not always be right, but I am never wrong.

- Samuel Goldwyn

limitations...

Know your limitations and be content with them. Too much ambition results in promotion to a job you can't do.

- David Brent

blame...

To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

- Robert Orben

secret of staying young...

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.

- Lucille Ball

women equal with men....

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.

- Timothy Leary

power of words....

There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.

- Josh Billings

command of english...

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

- Robert Benchley

bottoms....

an interesting notice at one of the shops in Connaught Place, New Delhi.

purpose of writing.....

The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure pure reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog!

- Calvin

math atheist...

As a math atheist, I think I should be excused from this.

- Calvin (Calvin & Hobbes)

human nature...

It is human nature to think wisely and act in an absurd fashion.

- Anatole France

salary...

The less a man knows the bigger the noise he makes and higher the salary he commands.

- Mark Twain

crisis...

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

- Henry A. Kissinger

patience....

I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end.

- Margaret Thatcher

secret of staying young...

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.

- Lucille Ball

communism....

Communism is like one big phone company.

- Lenny Bruce

Formula for success....

Formula for success: rise early, work hard, strike oil.

- J. Paul Getty

see through....

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

- Groucho Marx

in charge........

There may be some doubt as to who are the best people to have charge of children, but there can be no doubt that parents are the worst.

- George Bernard Shaw

voting...

If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal.

- Emma Goldman

sleeping alone...

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

- Emo Philips

stationery...

I saw a stationery store move.

- Jay London

acting...

Ther'e no need to prepare that much. Just try acting.

- Lawrence Olivier to Dustin Hoffman

playing for england...

I can't bat, can't bowl and can't field these days. I've every chance of being picked for England.

- Ray East (Former English Cricketer)

unanimous decision....

I have heard your views. they do not harmonize with mine. The decision is taken unanimously.

- Charles De Gaulle

good time....

One reason why I don't drink is because I wish to know when I am having a good time.

- Nancy Witcher Astor

learning to dance....

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom.

- Bob Hope

to err.....

To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

- Robert Orben

two wrongs....

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

- Laurence J. Peter

raising children....

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

- PJ O'Rourke

women...

I love women. They're the best thing ever created. If they want to be like men and come down to our level, that's fine.

- Mel Gibson

life's hard....

Life is hard. After all, it kills you.

- Katharine Hepburn

money , money , money...

I'm tired of hearing about money, money , money, I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.

- Shaquille O'Neal

greatness...

The only thing standing between me and greatness is me.

- Woody Allen

husbands.....

The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.

-Honore de Balzac

hollywood marriage....

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

- Rita Rudner

broken heart....

I think that's very sad, that I haven't allowed my heart to be broken. I have broken a few.

- Sally Field

genius....

Talent borrows. Genius Steals.

- Oscar Wilde

schizophrenic.....

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

- Oscar Levant

think...

Most men would rather die than think. Many do.

- Bertrand Russell

secret...

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

- Henry Youngman

weather forecast....

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

- George Carlin

vote....

Vote for the man who promises least; he'll be the least disappointing.

- Bernard Baruch

power of singing....

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

- Fred Allen

filthy...

I came from a dirt farm, now I'm filthy rich.

- Larry Holmes (former heavyweight boxing champion)

lifes hard...

Life is hard; it's harder if you're stupid.

- John Wayne

man and nature....

It appears to be a law that you cannot have a deep sympathy with both man and nature.

- Henry David Thoreau

obscure....

Be obscure clearly.

- E.B. White

equal...

Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.

- Joan Rivers

marriage...

Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.

- Ambrose Bierce

honesty pays...

Honesty pays, but it don't seem to pay enough to suit a lot of people.

-Kin Hubbard

confessions...

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

- Fulton J. Sheen

overstatement......

What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement?

- Fred Allen

euphoria...

That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!

- Calvin (Calvin & Hobbes)

mantra...

When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.

- James H. Boren

being poor...

The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all your time.

- Willem de Kooning

wedding anniversary...

A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year.

- Paul Sweeney

exercise - 2

whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.

- Robert Hutchins

origin of aerobics.....

The word "aerobics" came about when gym instructors got together and said 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'.

- Rita Rudner

mouth wash...

Exercise is a dirty word. Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

- Anonymous

exercise....

I am pushing 60. That is enough exercise for me.

- Mark Twain

sausage and picasso...

A high-brow is someone who looks at a sausage and thinks of Picasso.

- AP Herbert

internet...

The Internet is a telephone system that's gotten uppity.

- Clifford Stoll

trust and understanding...

The relationship between the Welsh and the English is based on trust and understanding. They don't trust us and we don't understand them.

- Dudley Wood, Rugby Man

enough...

Enough, no more. 'Tis not so sweet now as it was before.

- Shakespeare (Twelfth Night: Act 1, scene i)

consequences...

Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.

- Isadora Duncan

stock markets.....

October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.

- Mark Twain

flies...

As flies to wanton boys, are we to the gods, — They kill us for their sport.

- King Lear Act IV, Scene 1

running a country....

Too bad that all the people who really know how to run the country are busy driving taxi cabs and cutting hair.

- Bob Hope

personality....

My personality? The kazoo. Requires enthusiasm but no skill whatsoever.

- John Lithgow (When asked what instrument would reflect his personality)

opportunity...

Opportunity knocked. My doorman threw him out.

- Adrienne Gusoff

forgiving...

We read that we ought to forgive our enemies; but we do not read that we ought to forgive our friends.

- Sir Francis Bacon

marriage...

Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage".

- Herbert Spencer

good film...

A good film is when the price of the dinner, the theatre admission and the babysitter were worth it.

- Alfred Hitchcock

worst mistakes.....

Some of the worst mistakes of my life have been haircuts.

- Jim Morrison

children....

If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either.

- Dick Cavett

key to success...

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock. 

- Anonymous

abilities....

Men take only their needs into consideration, never their abilities.

- Napoleon Bonaparte

unique...

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

- Margaret Mead

public relations....

Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers.

- Anonymous

giving...

When I give, I give myself.

- Walt Whitman

indecision...

Indecision may or may not be my problem.

- Jimmy Buffett

succeed.....

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

- Henry Youngman

following dreams.....

I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going, and hook up with them later.

- Mitch Hedberg

adopted kids....

Adopted kids are such a pain - you have to teach them how to look like you.

- Gilda Radner

jog...

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

- David Lee Roth

fighting...

Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.

- Alan King

smile....

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

- W. C. Fields

life's riddles...

You know what your problem is, it's that you haven't seen enough movies - all of life's riddles are answered in the movies.

- Steve Martin

imitate...

When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.

- Eric Hoffer

wedding....

A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers.

- Grace Hansen

quitter....

I phoned dad to tell him I had stopped smoking. He called me a quitter.

- Steven Pearl

mythology....

A one-sentence definition of mythology? Mythology is what we call someone else's religion.

- Joseph Campbell

heaven...

When I die, I hope to go to Heaven, whatever the Hell that is.

- Ayn Rand

certainy....

I am certain there is too much certainy in the world.

- Michael Crichton

silence...

You can never get silence anywhere nowadays, have you noticed?

-Bryan Ferry

relativity...

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

-Albert Einstein

nature...

Art may make a suite of clothes, but nature must produce a man.

-David Hume

cricket & americans...

People think it's like polo, played on horseback, and I remember one guy thought it was a game involving insects.

- Clayton Lambert (Former West Indies cricketer on explaining cricket to Americans.)

money v/s poverty...

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

- Woody Allen

anyway...

Eat right, exercise regularly, die anyway.

- Anonymous

love and marriage.....

If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books.

-Alan King

autobiography.....

I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.

-Samuel Goldwyn

crime pays....

Obviously crime pays, or there'd be no crime.

- G. Gordon Liddy

grow up....

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

- Bryan White

bright...

Light is faster than sound, which is why people seem bright before they start talking.

misunderstood......

I sort of enjoy the fact that I'm misunderstood most of the time. That's fine.

- Billie Joe Armstrong

morning alarm....

Morning comes whether you set the alarm or not.

- Ursula K. Le guin

hedge funds & private equity funds......

Hedge funds and private-equity firms today are like the dot-coms in 2000: Ask for money and you'll get it. They bid up the prices of everything. The amount of money flowing is almost out of control, and it's making everything overvalued. A client of mine said it's like there are 11,000 planes in the sky and only 100 good pilots -- an accident is bound to happen.

- Ray Dalio of Bridgewater Associates, quoted in Barron's, May 26th 2007 edition

never married....

I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives as much as if we had never married at all.

- Lord Byron

can't buy love...

Money can't buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.

- Christopher Marlowe

imitation...

Art may imitate life, but life imitates TV.

- Ani DiFranco

apple pie...

In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

- Carl Sagan

trouble....

I have had more trouble with myself than with any other man I've met.

- Dwight L. Moody

politics....

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the wrong remedies.

- Groucho Marx

you / me.....from Rush Hour 3

Dojo Master: May I Help You?
Detective James Carter: I'll be asking the questions old man. Who are you?
Dojo Master: Yu.
Detective James Carter: No not me you!
Dojo Master: Yes I'm Yu!
Detective James Carter: Are you deaf?
Dojo Master: No Yu is blind!
Detective James Carter: I'm not blind, you blind
Dojo Master: That is what I just said.
Detective James Carter: You just said what?
Dojo Master: I did not say what, I said Yu.
Detective James Carter: That's what I'm asking you!
Dojo Master: And Yu is answering.
Detective James Carter: Shutup!
Detective James Carter: You!
Dojo Master: Yes?
Detective James Carter: Not You, Him! What's Your name?
Dojo Student: Mi.
Detective James Carter: Yes You!
Dojo Student: I'm Mi.
Dojo Master: He's Mi and I'm Yu.
Detective James Carter: And I'm about to whoop your old ass man because I am sick of playing games!

all night...

Being with a woman all night never hurt no professional baseball player. It's staying up all night looking for a woman that does him in.

- Casey Stengel

age...

I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.

- Stephen Fry

purpose of marriage...

A man marries to have a home, but also because he doesn't want to be bothered with sex and all that sort of thing.

- William Somerset Maugham

prejudices...

I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.

- W C Fields

rapper / golfer...

You know it's gone to hell, when the best rapper out there is a white guy and the best golfer is a black guy.

- Geoff Brabham

look good...

If you can't make it good, at least make it look good.

- Bill Gates

madness...

Madness is rare in individuals - but in groups, political parties, nations and eras it's the rule.

- Nietzsche

feeling old...

I feel old when I see mousse in my opponent's hair.

- Andre Agassi

specific...

I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

- Lily Tomlin

sex / love...

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

- Woody Allen

politics...

Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book.”

- Ronald Reagan

neck tie...

If men can run the world, why can’t they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?

- Linda Ellerbee

fear of commitment.....

When women hold off from marrying men, we call it independence. When men hold off from marrying women, we call it fear of commitment.

- Warren Farrell

men's magazine...

There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men don’t think there’s a lot they don’t know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, “I know what I’m doing, just show me somebody naked.”

- Jerry Seinfeld

woman / man...

A woman’s appetite is twice that of a man’s; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight times.

- Sanskrit proverb

microwave...

I love the lines the men use to get us into bed. “Please, I’ll only put it in for a minute.” What am I, a microwave?

- Beverly Mickins (American comedienne)

place...

Women need a reason to have sex — men just need a place.

- Billy Crystal

lucky...

When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows.

- Frederick Ryder

screwed...

Men get laid, but women get screwed.

- Quentin Crisp

invest...

Never invest in a business you cannot understand.

- Warren Buffet

lessons....

A pin lies in wait for every bubble and when the two eventually meet, a new wave of investors learns some very old lessons.

- Warrne Buffet

fool...

You should invest in a business that even a fool can run, because someday a fool will.

- Warren Buffet

solitude...

I Live in the solitude which is painful in youth ,But delicious in the years of maturity.

- Albert Einstein

renown....

Kitnee aasaanee say mashoor kiya hai khud ko,
Mainey apney say badey shakhs ko gaalee dee.

(How easy it was for me to attain renown / I bad-mouthed someone bigger than myself.)

- Zafar Gorakhpuri

in chains...

It is often safer to be in chains than to be free.

- Franz Kafka

music...

This land is your land and this land is my land, but the world is run by those that never listen to music anyway.

- Bob Dylan

spontaneity......

The essence of pleasure is spontaneity.

- Germaine Greer

stop digging...

The most important thing to do if you find yourself in a hole is to stop digging.

- Warren Buffett

open mind...

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

- Terry Pratchett

eat my shorts...

Eat my shorts !!!

- Bart Simpson

opinion.....

Listen,everyone is entitled to my opinion.

- Madonna

get married....

If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.

- Katharine Hepburn

immortality.....

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

- Woody Allen

choice...

Dark and difficult times lie ahead. Soon we must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy.

- Albus Dumbledore (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire)

smoking...

People always come up to me and say that my smoking is bothering them.....Well, it's killing me.

- Wendy Liebman

worst time....

In 1969, I gave up women and alcohol - it was the worst 20 minutes of my life.

- George Best

censor....

Censors tend to do wha psychotics do: they confuse reality with illusion.

- Ayn Rand

deeply....

I am a deeply superficial person.

- Andy warhol

anger...

Anger as soon as fed is dead. 'Tis staring makes it fat.

- Emily Dickinson

nothing to do / not doing it....

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.

- Mary Wilson Little

best / worst....

The best lack all conviction, while the worst / Are full of passionate intensity.

- W B Yeats, The Second Coming

fool the world...

When you want to fool the world, tell the truth.

- Otto Von Bismarck

mind over matter....

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it dosen't matter.

- Mark Twain

age...

Act your age and not your shoe size.

- Prince

old age and children...

Children are a great comfort in your old age - and they help you reach it faster, too.

- Lionel Kauffman

alter / change...

Everything alters me.....nothing changes me.

- Salvador Dali

apology...

I wanted to be fitter, If in the process I'm looking younger, I apologize!

- Shekhar Suman

do it...

The most effective way to do it, is to do it.

- Amelia Earhart

miseries....

All man's miseries derive from not being able to sit quietly in a room alone.

- Blaise Pascal

conflict......

I am at peace with God. My conflict is with man.

- Charlie Chaplin

italian...

When an Italian says it's pasta, I check under the sauce to make sure. They are the innovators of the smokescreen.

- Alex Ferguson

age...

Age is not important unless you're a cheese.

- Helen Hayes

loved...

I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times, in life after life, in age after age forever.

- Rabindranath Tagore

nerds...

Be nice to nerds. The chances are that you'll end up working for one.

- Bill Gates

chocolate.....

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.

- Charles M. Schulz

fear...

I don't have no fear of death. My only fear is coming back reincarnated.

- Tupac

said & done....

If you want something said, ask a man... If you want somthing done, ask a woman.

- Margaret Thatcher

said and done.....

If you want something said, ask a man... If you want somthing done, ask a woman.

- Margaret Thatcher

living next door...

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.

- Katharine Hepburn

purpose in life....

Look good and dressing well is a necessity. Having a purpose in life is not.

- Oscar Wilde

enough blood.....

God gave us a penis and a brain, but only enough blood to run one at a time.

- Robin Williams

forgetting a face...

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

- Groucho Marx

absence...

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

- Ashleigh Brilliant

miserable...

I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here.

- Stephen Bishop

made in heaven...

They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.

- Client Eastwood

fool in me....

I must learn to love the fool in me — the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries. It alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled, masterful tyrant whom I also harbor and who would rob me of human aliveness, humility, and dignity but for my fool.

- Theodore Isaac Rubin

government formation......

There are only 630 MPs and a party with just over 300 MPs forms the government and of these 300, 100 are too old and too silly to be ministers and 100 too young and too callow. Therefore, there are about 100 MPs to fill 100 government posts. Effectively no choice at all.

- Quote from "Yes Minister"

priority.....

Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.

- Anonymous

sex life....

If it wasn't for pickpockets and frisking at airports I'd have no sex life at all.

- Rodney Dangerfield (Stand-up Comedian)

dread....

I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.

- Charles M. Schulz

best.....

I am easily satisfied with the very best.

- Winston Churchill

chess / kickboxing.......

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

- Emo Philips

swear words.........

Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.

- Calvin (Calvin & Hobbes)

women, wine and song......

Who loves not women, wine and song remains a fool his whole life long.

- Martin Luther

circumstances.......

Circumstances—what are circumstances? I make circumstances.

- Napoleon Bonaparte

new....

Keep trying something new, darling...

- Capt. Jack Sparrow

attitude.....

I don't know, I don't care, and it doesn't make any difference !

- Albert Einstein

big mac & fries.....

I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries.

- Stephen King

counterfeit.....

Men make counterfeit money; in many more cases, money makes counterfeit men.

- Sydney J. Harris

salary....

There's no way i can justify my salary level, but I'm learning to live with it.

- Drew Carey

America / India....

What is the difference between the American and Indian democracies?
In America, you can kiss in public but not pee; in India you can pee in public but not kiss.

stopped clock....

Nothing is all wrong. Even A Stopped Clock Is Right Twice A Day....

- Anonymous

mother's day....

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.

- Jay Leno

cannes.....

So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?

- Christina Aguilera

work speaks...

When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.

- Henry Kaiser

secret to success...

The secret to success is to start from scratch and keep on scratching.

- Dennis Green

biology / mother.....

Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother.

- Oprah Winfrey

mothers...

Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own.

- Aristotle

end of the beginning....

This is not the end nor is it the beginning of the end. It is perhaps only the end of the beginning.

- Winston Churchill (after the successful completion of the Egypt operation)

infinite...

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

- Albert Einstein

lover / son....

I sighed as a lover, I obeyed as a son.

- Edward Gibbon

human race...

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family does too.

- Anonymous

lead...

A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd.

- Max Lucado

capitalism....

Making capitalism out of socialism is like making eggs out of an omelet.

- Vadim Bakatin

important...

Kiss me and you will see how important I am.

- Sylvia Plath

more money...

If I can't get the girl, at least give me more money.

- Alan Alda

respecting the religion....

We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.

- H L Mencken

car door....

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

- Prince Philip

bad luck...

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

- Steven Wright

democracy...

Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people.

- Oscar Wilde

debt...

Debts are like children: the smaller they are the more noise they make.

- Spanish Proverb

anonymous....

For most of history, Anonymous was a woman.

- Virginia Woolf

forever....

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

- Steven Wright

educate america....

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.

- Groucho Marx

successful man....

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

- Groucho Marx

story of america...

This is the story of America. Everybody's doing what they think they're supposed to do.

- Jack Kerouac

money/free.....

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.

- Brendan Behan

pakistan...

Hum jo kaam haath mein lete hain, usey poora kartey hain....chahe woh desh ki azaadi ho, Pakistan mein batwara ho ya desh ko ikkiswin sadi mein le jaana ho.......

(We deliver what we promise, be it the independence struggle, dismemberment of Pakistan or leading the country into the 21st centure......)

- Rahul Gandhi

mature...

The rate at which a person can mature is directly proportional to the embarrassment he can tolerate.

- Douglas Engelbart

wait....

If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life.

- Oscar Wilde

sexist...

...It's like marrying a girl because you've lived with her...

- Captain G Gopinath (on Jet-Sahara airlines merger)

philosopher......

There is only one thing a philosopher can be truly relied upon to do, and that is to contradict other philosophers.

- William James

friends.....

Contrary to general belief, I do not believe that friends are necessarily the people you like best, they are merely the people who got there first.

- Peter Ustinov

tools....

Men have become tools of their tools.

- Henry David Thoreau

ugly...

You see me now, when I'm old and ugly. In fact you should have seen me earlier - when I was young and ugly!

- Zohra Segal

American Dream....

When I was a little kid 50 years ago, in 1946, the American Dream was a house and a car. Today the American Dream is winning American Idol. It's changed slightly.

In another 50 years from now when the economy collapses and everything is in threads and torn, the American Dream then, in 20-whatever, will be a house and a car.

- Mel Brooks

ambition...

To be happy at home is the ultimate result of all ambition.

- Samuel Johnson

Jain...

I do not know if there is rebirth or not, or life after death. But, if it is true, I would like to be born in India as a Jain.

- Albert Einstein

dishonest...

Me? I'm dishonest. And a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly, it's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly... stupid.

- Captain Jack Sparrow

perfect...

We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect.

- Alanis Morissette

temptation...

Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.

- Rita Mae Brown

feet on the ground....

Show me a man with both feet on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't put his pants on.

- Joe E. Lewis

fly...

If god wanted us to fly, he would have given us tickets.

- Mel Brooks

journey...

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a delay of about three hours.

- Milton Berle

ugly...

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

- Dorothy Parker

call mom...

I know enough to know that when you're in a pickle.....call Mom.

- Jennifer Garner

finishing sentences...

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and i just got so sick of finishing my own sentences.

- Brian Kiley

Natural Beauty...

Natural beauty takes at least two hours in front of a mirror.

- Pamela Anderson

Sincerity....

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

- Oscar Wilde

apron...

One of the few articles of clothing that a man won't try to remove from a woman is an apron.

- Marilyn Von Savant

engineers....

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

- Scott Adams (in The Dilbert Principle)

married....

An ad in the newspaper...

"Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes; College edition Webster's Dictionary, like new; thesaurus, not used. All in excellent condition.
No longer needed....recently married. Wife knows everything."

cheap suits...

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

- Warren Buffett

wisdom...

Do you not know, my son, with how little wisdom the world is governed.

- Count Oxenstierna

beauty...

The problem with beauty is that it's like being born rich and getting poorer.

- Joan Collins

age...

Age is a state of mind.
Youth and age exist only among the ordinary people.
All the more talented and exceptional of us; are sometimes old,
just as we are sometimes happy, and sometimes sad.

- Hermann Hesse

human brain...

The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.

- George Jessel

housekeeping....

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.

- Zsa Zsa Gabor

why me?...a peanuts classic....

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Why Me?"...
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal...your name just happened to come up..."

- Charlie Brown (Peanuts)

heaven / hell....

Go to heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

- Mark Twain

statistics...

Statistics are like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.

- Aaron Levenstein

understand....

When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they don't understand one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.

- Helen Rowland

blame...

It's not whether you win or lose, It's how you place the blame.

- Oscar Wilde

stations...

A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station...

half...

Half of what I say is meaningless, but I say it so that the other half may reach you.

- Kahlil Gibran (Sand and Foam)

love...

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love.

- Kahlil Gibran (The Prophet)

punishment....

Punishment - The justice that the guilty deal out to those that are caught.

- Elbert Hubbard

superior / inferior....

The superior man understand what is right; the inferior man understand what will sell.

- confucius

Messiah...

A messiah is the one who leaves a mess behind him.

- UG Krishnamurti

love & affection....

You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.

- Buddha

brain...

The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

- Robert Frost

happiness....

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

- George Burns

black...

You can have any color as long as it's black.

- Henry Ford

discipline...

It is one thing to praise discipline, and another to submit to it.

- Miguel de Cervantes

Yahoo! & Google....

Yahoo! is many things to so many people whereas the beauty of Google is that at the end of the day, it's a search done well.

- Drew Neisser, CEO, Renegade Marketing Group, on Yahoo!'s slumping fortunes.

india...

There is no high table in the world that does not have a seat for India.

- P. Chidambaram

learning the game...

Play the game for more than you can afford to lose... only then will you learn the game.

- Winston churchill

divorce

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.

- Zsa Zsa Gabor

wise.....one of my all time fav....

We think our fathers fools, so wise we grow. Our wiser sons, no doubt will think us so.

- Alexander Pope

motivation....

We know nothing about motivation. All we can do is write books about it.

- Peter F. Drucker

computers.....

Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.

- Pablo Picasso

philosopher......

By all means. If you get a good wife you will become happy, and if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher.

- Socrates

lie...

We lie loudest when we lie to ourselves.

- Eric Hoffer

length of a movie....

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.

- Alfred Hitchcock

god...

God is on everyone's side...and in the last analysis, he is on the side with plenty of money and large armies.

-Jean Anouilh

club....

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

- Groucho Marx

measuring goodness....

We can't go around measuring our goodness by what we don't do and who we exclude.

- Joanne Harris

George Constanza's Words of Wisdom...

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
I mean, life is tough.
It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it?
A death.
What's that, a bonus?!?
I Think the life cycle is backwards.
You should die first, get it out of the way.
Then you go live in an old age home. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You drink alcohol, you party, and you get ready for High School. You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become little baby, you go back, you spend your last 9 months floating with luxuries like central heating, spa, room service on tap, then you finish off as an orgasm!!

Amen.

approval.....

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

- Mark Twain

Sarcasm...

Sarcasm: the last refuge of modest and chaste-souled people when the privacy of their soul is coarsely and intrusively invaded.

- Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoyevsky

losing ground....

He who slings mud generally loses ground.

-Adlai E. Stevenson

silence....

Silence is a source of great strength.

- Lao Tzu

compromise...

Don't compromise yourself. you are all you've got.

- Janis Joplin

hell...

If you are going through hell, keep going.

- Sir Winston Churchill

spring...

i want to do with you what spring does with cherry trees.

- Pablo Neruda

love...

Love is so short, forgetting so long.

- Pablo Neruda

car windows...

Never have more children than you have car windows.

- Erma Bombeck

glamorous...

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.

- Hedy Lamarr

beliefs...

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

-Bertrand Russell

rational.....

If the world was truly a rational place, men would ride sidesaddle

- Rita Mae Brown

self-delusion.....one of my fav.....

Self-delusion is pulling in your stomach when you step on the scale.

- Paul Sweeney

aeroplane travel....

Aeroplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo.

- Al Gore

image...

I can't die. It would wreck my image.

- Jack Lalanne

inner peace...

Find inner peace? I looked; it wasn't there.

- Bob Geldof

first & last love...

Our first and last love is....Self-Love.

- Christian Nevell Bovee

love...

Love isn't love 'Til you give it away.

- Oscar Hammerstein

life...

Into each life some rain must fall.

- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

control....

Where we can buy control, we like to buy control.

- Arun Sarin, CEO Vodafone

circumstances....

Circumstances do not make the man, they reveal him.

- James Allen

god...

Everyone has the same god; only people differ.

- Anton Chekov

lost....

The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost.

- Gilbert K. Chesterton

life...

Life is a gamble at terrible odds, if it were a bet, you would not take it.

- Tom Stoppard

seduce...

Seduce my mind and you can have my body.

- unknown

horse...

Every horse thinks its own pack heaviest.

- Thomas Fuller

religion...

God did not intend religion to be an exercise club.

- Naguib Mahfouz

Fashion

Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.

- Victor Hugo

law...

No law or ordinance is mightier than understanding.

- Pluto

statistics....

42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

-Steven Wright

knowing friends...

We know our friends by their defects rather than by their merits.

-W. Somerset Mougham

sense....

I have a fine sense of the ridiculous, but no sense of humour.

- Edward Albee

judge....

Judge not, that ye be not judged.

- The Bible

decide....

Nothing is more difficult, and therefore more precious, than to be able to decide.

- Napolean Bonaparte

peace...

If everyone demanded peace instead of another television set, then there'd be peace.

- John Lennon

idiot...

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

- John Lennon

guitar...

Any problem you can't solve with a good guitar, is either, unsolvable or isn't a problem.

friends....

It is the friends you can call up at four in the morning that matter.

- Marlene Dietrich

opinion....

Nothing changes your opinion of a friend so surely as success - yours or his.

- Franklin P Jones

charming people....

All charming people have something to conceal, usually their total dependence on the appreciation of others.

- Cyril Connolly

SMS...

I don't think cellphone can ever give the same pleasure that sex gives me. However, when it comes to SMS, it sure gets undivided attention, which even my boyfriend doesn't.

- Yana gupta

concentration...

Nothing interferes with my concentration. You could put on an orgy in my office and i would'nt look up. Well, maybe once.

- Isaac Asimov

eye for an eye...

An eye for an eye, and soon the whole world is blind.

- Gandhi

statistic...

One death is a tragedy. One million deaths is a statistic.

- Stalin

enemies...

A good man has few enemies. A ruthless man has none

part of life...

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.


-Brooke Shields

bold....

Fortune favours the bold.

- Virgil

eat my shorts...

Eat my shorts!!!

- Bart Simpson

right to say...

Je désapprouve ce que vous dites, mais je défendrai à la mort votre droit à le dire.

-Voltaire

(I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.)

reorganising...

We trained hard, but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form up into teams we would be reorganised. Presumably the plans for our employment were being changed. I was to learn later in life that, perhaps because we are so good at organising, we tend as a nation to meet any new situation by reorganising; and a wonderful method it can be for creating the illusion of progress while producing confusion, inefficiency and demoralization.

-Charlton Ogburn Jr.

fury...

Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned / Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned.

-William Congreve

upgrade

For some people, defamation of character is an upgrade.

marriage...

I like marriage. The idea.

-Toni Morrison

ghalib...

Be-dar-o-deewar sa ik ghar banana chaahiye,
Koi hamsaaya na ho, paasban koi na ho

-Mirza Ghalib

(Make me a home with no doors or walls / I would have no companion; nor the need of a sentry)

H1B

It makes no sense to say to a young scientist from India, you can't come to America to help this compnay develop technologies that help us deal with our problems.

- George Bush Jr. (backing more H1B's for Indians)

sense.....

Common sense and a sense of humour are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humour is just common sense, dancing.

- Clive James

changing a man.....

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.

-Natalie Wood

praise...

He who praises everybody, praises nobody.

- Samuel Johnson

having children.....

Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.

-Samuel Butler

reality...

Reality is merely an illusion, although a very persistent one.
- Albert Einstein

sense of humour...

Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is.

-Francis Bacon

black/white....

So just because it's Black, don't mean it's cool. And just because it's White don't mean it's evil. The real tragedy is that there are some ignorant brothers out here. That's why I'm not on this all-White or all Black shit. I'm on this all-real or all fake shit with people, whatever color you are. Because niggaz will do you. I mean, there's some [foul] niggaz out there [in the streets]; the same niggaz that did Malcolm X, the same niggaz that did Jesus Christ- every brother ain't a brother. They will do you.

- 2Pac

love hurts...

I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.

- Mother Teresa

happy?...

Is that gun in you pocket or are you just happy to see me?
- Mae West

walking....

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is....

-Ellen DeGeneres

idealist...

I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way.

- Carl Sandburg

guards....

Who is to guard the guards themselves?
- Juvenal

questions...

It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.
- James Thurber

shadow...

Between the idea / And the reality......Falls the shadow.

-T S Eliot

being maried....

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

- Rita Rudner

happiness...

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.
- Rita Mae Brown

Fake.....a classic....

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.
- Sharon Stone

Imagine

"Reality leaves a lot to the imagination."
-John Lennon

time...

There is not enough time to do all the nothing we want to do....
- Bill Waterson

longevity...

Mere longevity is a good thing for those who watch life from the side lines. For those who play the game, an hour may be a year, a single day's work an achievement for eternity.
- Gabriel Heatter, American journalist

Company Policy...

To err is human, to forgive is not company policy....

Right...

The time is always right to do what is right
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Life...

Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh....

Achieve...

WHEN YOU WANT SOMETHING, ALL THE UNIVERSE CONSPIRES IN HELPING YOU TO ACHIEVE IT.
- PAUL COELHO

Cogito, ergo sum...

"cogito, ergo sum" (traditionally translated as "I think, therefore i am)

Man...

Between 20-30 if a man lives right, it’s twice in the morning and twice at night.
Between 30-40 if a man lives right, he misses a morning and sometimes a night.
Between 40-50, it’s just now and then.
Between 50-60, Heaven knows when.
When he is 60, he is slightly declined. But don’t let that kid you, it is still on his mind.’

Marriage...

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence....

Hate....

Any kiddie in school can love like a fool, But hating, my boy, is an art.
- Ogden Nash

Change...

Your must be the change you want to see in the world.
- Mahatma Gandhi